Finally after a year’s worth of pain and suffering I can finally say the goodbye I meant to give to you. Though admittedly I never meant to give you any goodbye at all, but seeing as I don’t have much of a choice I’m going to say goodbye my way. 

I’ve heard all the things you’ve said… about me… to me… and how you’ve bashed and destroyed me behind my back… but I don’t care. I still love you just as much as the day I first said it. That’s right, my love for you has been strong enough to endure a year of no love returned and has remained even throughout the hatred you have shared with the world on my behalf. I never wanted to lose you… but more than I want to be with you my sweet girl, I want you to be happy. I just had to say that yeah… you really hurt me… more than anyone else I’ve ever known. But I still love you in spite of that, and I can honestly say that there isn’t a man alive that will love you half as much as I do now. I’m convinced that I will love you forever, and I’m content with that even if it means you don’t love me. i just want to show you that I’m not the bad person you’ve made me out to be, and that no matter what you say to or about me I will always love you. You are my princess and I will always be here for you even though you might never need me again. YOU are my greatest accomplishment… my greatest love… and for you I would still do anything. But my love I’m sad to say, I can’t continue to live like this. I can’t keep wishing for a death that will never be granted to me or for my life to turn to a place I know it will never go again. So I don’t say these things in a last attempt to make you mine again, I’m afraid that time has passed… I say these sweet and loving things to you because it is the last time I will say them. I’m saying goodbye… I’m sorry and I truly meant for this to last forever. But it seems fate had other plans… I love you so much my sweet princess and I will always be here for you. but I can’t keep holding onto hope for something that I know is hopeless. I wish you the best my dear and I sincerely hope that our paths will cross again, and who knows maybe sometime in the future this goodbye will be void for we will have reconciled and made our lives together again. But I’m afraid I can’t wait for that day anymore… so here for you I return this book of a hundred reasons why you loved me… with my own additions. A hundred reasons why I love you and a new title, “For what you used to see in me… and what I will ALWAYS see in you.”  I give you all my love and hope that you achieve your dreams. Goodbye my sweet angel… my loving princess… my almost wife. 

Appreciate my silence for it is a gift. Should I permit my tongue to move the way it desires and form the words my heart wishes to say I would bring upon you a most horrendous truth the would shock you and crush your very soul. You do not hold your tongue like you should for you think you have accumulated some amount of wisdom in your short years; Well I will say to you that you have not lived half as much as I have and do not have near the experience in life as I. My tongue is much sharper and can inflict significantly more damage than yours could ever do, so you may sit there smugly with your sense of false victory. Just know that I gifted you with my silence, and shall not do so again.

What hope is there for the already defeated? What ray of light can shine to those already enveloped in a darkness so deep and powerful that their very being has been consumed with hate and sorrow? I am the forgotten, the beaten, the defeated, the broken, the loveless, the hopeless, the one left behind, I am he who has been cast aside, the one who receives beatings not merited by his actions and yet endures him just the same. I am the one who will remain throughout everything regardless of the pain I suffer. I have lived through hell for you, and so I will continue to live. You will continue to hate me and I will continue to endure it. Many have said I should hate you… but I cannot. It is not because I do not wish to, I am physically incapable of hating you. You are just as beautiful to me now as you were years ago. But perhaps that’s what you hate about me the most, the fact that I won’t hate you even when I have the right more than anyone else. I hear what you say about me, I know the whispers you make. They are… painful, but so be it. If it pleases you to destroy me when I’m not there then I will suffer silently until your heart is content. Just know that everyone around you will leave and fade away… all except for one.

I hate everything about this place. It used to be so much better but no it’s all pain and heartache. Two people who I went to school with have died recently and I knew both of them… the girl I was to marry is with another and loves him… my family is being torn apart by things we cannot control and I feel as if my whole life is being torn up by the hinges. Everyone has seen the “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” meme… well I’m sorry to say that that’s my life… I really don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

‎”It doesn’t matter what the press says. Doesn’t matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn’t matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else; The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree next to the river of truth, and tell the whole world… No, YOU move.” - Captain America

“So don’t fall in love there’s just too much to lose. If you’re given the choice please I’m begging you choose to walk away, walk away don’t let her get you. I can’t bear to see the same thing happen to you. Now son I’m only telling you this because life can do terrible things.”  Mayday Parade.

Grant me peace and wisdom so that I might be able to provide that what can help. Give me words that are inspiring and show me what to do to make a difference so that we can protect and keep them safe.

Yeah… your “boy”…